Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
