TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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