end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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