its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
