he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
