I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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