What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
