awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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