I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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