how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
