Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
did i just pee glitter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
