We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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