i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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