mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rumble strips road head = magical
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
