i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
