I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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