have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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