I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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