shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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