just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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