her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
