If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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