Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
