Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
