I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
