Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
