You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
