i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
