So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
