I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
