I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
