i permit you to call me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
