Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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