I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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