never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
