marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize