we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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