my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
