ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
