Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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