matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this just has baby written all over it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
