We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
