sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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