I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
