if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
COCAINE IS GR8
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