it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.