How drunk are you??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis