After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
