So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
