I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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