I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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