I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
