Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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