She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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