Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
