She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
