my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I look better un-naked...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
