Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
