I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
