New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
