Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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