Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
